"Your dad and I are the only people who will always be there for you unconditionally"

yeah, sorry for causing you so much pain

Maybe the reason why I am not that enthusiastic about celebrating my birthday with my friends is because my relationship with my family is kinda falling apart.

As a matter of fact, I am not excited about anything. At all.

NEW GOAL: to save 1500 by the time I move

therefore, i must save 300 dollars from every paycheck I get

Dear Parents

Dear Mom,

In about two weeks I will turn eighteen

How years have passed!

Remember when I was five

and you forced me to wear diapers

because I had a urinary infection?

Yeah, those were and are the days...

I have a lock in my room,

but now that lock instead of giving me privacy

is locking me away from you

and I don't know how to stop it

I'm sorry I have to put you through all of this stress

and that I don't have the courage to help you

because if I did, I wouldn't be as wonderful as you are

Dear Dad

I guess the only time I let you hold me was when I was born

and when our dog died

oh fuck, I've never seen you cry so hard before

but now your tears are not visible

and we both see how our relationship deteriorates

I don't know how to stop it

If I try, then either you or I will make one stupid mistake

and go back to the starting point

I was always cold when you tucked me in bed

I guess you got that from your dad

He was never a good example for you

So how could you show us the right way

when your own parents didn't even show you yours?

Fuck life is hard

and in about two weeks we will go to the bank

I will be free from you

A part of me is excited

but the other one is shitting her pants

Dear Parents

I am about to graduate and become equal to you

You both never had the chance to go to university or college

Never even bothered thinking about them

If I could go back in time I would change some things

If I could, I guess we would still be living in Chile

We would own a dog

We would still meet up with family on weekends

Dad, maybe you could have paid more attention to your son

Mom, maybe I could have helped you with the family

I could have cried at your father's funeral

but because I didn't have the courage to show what I felt,

I never got to pay my respects to him

Dad, maybe you could have tried and change your mother

so that she remembered my birthday, instead of making me think of her

as an insensitive old lady

Soon, you will be gone

I will be gone

"It doesn't matter that much to you if we move to this house. You're not staying here forever"

You're so right mom

Things didn't go our way

but you both still fight

and seeing you struggle every day breaks my heart

The worst part is that I never had the courage to open up

and tell you what I actually felt

what I feel right now

I was always scared you were going to make fun of me, Dad

It haunted me; it still does

I really don't want you reading this

but hey, I guess a part of me is growing up too fast

whereas the other is still staying as a child

You've both done what you could with all your efforts

I wish I could buy a ticket to the past

but I guess I will just have to make it up with my own children

when they grow up, I will not be like my grandparents

Because that is what shaped you dad

and now guess what?

You do not talk to your eldest son

You are losing touch with me

You are really stressed over your two youngest sons

I will do my best

to love my children

and to make sure they don't end up in a family

that doesn't know what it feels like to be loved

good night

So if you have a minute why don't we go

talk about it somewhere only we know?

...

I'm getting older and I need something to rely on

It really hurts when people joke around saying they have ADD

They don't know what it feels like living with a person who has ADD

I wish they shut up

I woke up from a dream just to find out I was never going back to it.

Save Me

Save me from falling down the stairs

from locking myself up in the basement

from not eating at the dinner table

from never mowing the lawn

from staying up all night and sleeping all day

Save me from separating my mind and body

but at the same time

let me know what it feels like to be left out

Dear reader

my dad's furious because I yanked my fan out of his hands while he was helping me with my osap application. my mom came to my room explaining how they're the only people that i will always rely on --unconditionally

and how do i feel like?

i feel like nothing

no emotions

just a blank face

goodbye

Holy Shit

It's been a year and five months and I still love you
this is amazing

You know you have a good friend when...

well, you know =)

Gee "sorry" for pointing something out

I broke a glass jar of strawberry (or raspberry) jam at work after a sweet little old lady paid for it. I was packing it in her shopping cart and it literally slipped out of my hands. I felt so bad, the cute old lady said "oh that's fine, I didn't need it anyways" and holy shat first thought as it was falling: nah it won't break
Second thought: shit it broke
Third thought: i.am.in.so.much.trouble.
Fourth thought as my face turned into the color of my sweater (yeah, i was wearing my hot pink sweater) and as my coworker stared at me: oh crap i'm getting fired

It turns out I didn't get fired. I was a good girl and told one of the supervisors what happened and he actually helped me clean it. My other co-workers were telling me that accidents happen and that this is by far not the worst thing that has spilled on the floor (quoting one of their words "vinegar and olive is way worse than this"). That made me feel better. So I cleaned my mess, the old sweet lady got another jar of jam (i think), and the cashier I was helping got a small bruise on her foot :( But everything is fine now, I hope.

Later on that day I was talking to a friend who also works as a cashier assistant and she mentioned how you're not supposed to rush things, or else accidents happen. I guess I'm not the only one who's made a mistake like that!
so pheww
anyways I just found this really old vid of when my cousin Javiera visited me, and holy cow i was fat :|
and don't mind the language :P

This really sums up my childhood under your shadow

Too bad you can't understand it

braiN deaD

this is horrible, i cannot think today :( i've been trying to write my essay for like 4 hours and it's not working (on top of other things)
father was being a butt again today; he just needs to open his mouth and then shit happens. congrats on making my day suck
I don't know, maybe I need my nap :S i really, really need a nap in order to stay up late -- like, really. I'm not joking, i NEED a nap. If I don't take it, i will fall asleep earlier, which is a total bummer in some occasions.
anyways, I am really excited about prom now that we're set with the hotel and uh.. soft drinks. lol (A) i hope that night makes up for all the stuff that happened in the last 4 years. however, the day after that, i have to start moving my stuff from my current cave - i mean room. summer will be really different this year, i know, i can tell. At least I'll be with most of my good friends at the same school next year, but the ones that are missing will surely be missed.
LMFAO I'm currently watching the first wives club. it's a 90's movie featuring diane keaton, bette midler and goldie hawn. i LOL'd at this part where they were singing like teenage girls and then diane keaton bursts out in the chorus and the other two are so weirded out by it xD It really feels like something that NVG would do.
Im so glad things are fine with us. Yeah, goodbye to the old grade nine days where we sang irreplaceable. But hey! it's like the garden of eden; we destroyed it, so now we gotta aim for the best we can. and i know we can.
today was my first day as a cashier assistant at costco and im pretty satisfied with my results =) since i didnt know what to do, every one was really nice and corrected me and i felt like making mistakes was fine. although it was like a 5 hours workout (YAY!) and right now i can't work on my essay, it was a good way to start the routine that will follow for the next 3 months =) The good thing is that I'mm already familiar wiht the staff and I already have my friends, so people were congratulating me at work 8(as i figured out, if one place doesn't make u feel good, the other one will!!

I don't really miss the flower job, but i HOPE HOPE HOPE that my old supervisor realizes that he has the answer RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIS FACE! Dude, they fully say they don't discriminate but he's fully discriminating right now -_- like wtf...

Some one's birthday is coming up soon ;) It's time to finish my present and then see if there's anything on my brain that can me written on paper!



ps: I guess being more open will help. can't wait till we call!!

11:11

I stopped wishing for me and started wishing for you

Stopped wishing for us just so you could make it

It better work this time

So this may sound really disgusting
but the worst thing about throwing up in your sink
is when the sink is already clogged with some of your (or your brother's) crap.
*sighs* at least dad got this special liquid that cleans it =D

This is horrible

I threw up twice (ew bile), got out of my system everything I ate yesterday (it starts with d and ends with a), I got really dizzy, and then I got a fever :(

It feels like I can’t sing anymore because I lost my voice too.

u.u

I wasn't the only one who got sick today; two of my friends felt like that too, so I think that it's because of the NYC trip. We probably ate something or lacked sleep.

Another reason as to why I got sick could be my recent reactions to milk. Lately, my stomach has been hurting whenever I drink milk and I don't know why. Last night I drank milk and this happened. The stupid thing is that it's like a habit for me to drink tea and milk -_- I've always drank it but never got any bad effects from it. If this gets worse, I should go to the doctor.

I guess I won't be able to drink milk anymore 8(